STORY SO FAR:
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27. ud-bi-a jic ac-am jic-ha-lu-ub ac-am jic ac-am
30. gua id-buranun-na kug-ga-ka du-a-bi
9. id-buranin-na a na-na-da-bi
O. a u-lu ur-ba mu-ni-in-bur pa-ba mu-ni-in-suh
1 .id-buranin-na a im-ma-ni-ib-ra
32, munus-e inim an-na-ta ni te-a du
3. inim dijir-enlil-la-ta ni te-a du
jic cu-na mu-un-dab unug-ki-ce ba-ni-in-kur-re
jic-kiri gi-rin dijir-inanna-ce im-ma-ni-in-ku-ku-re
3B. munus-e jic cu-na a li-bi-in-du jiri-ni-ta bi-in-dug
37• munus-e jic cu-na a li-bi-in-dug jiri-ni-ta bi-in-d
38 me-na-am jic-gu-za gi-rin ba-ni-tuc-de-en bi-in-dug
me-na-am jic-nu gi-rin ba-ni-nu-de-en bi-in-dug
mu ia-am mu u-am ba-e-zal-la re
jic ba-gur kuc-bi nu-mu-un-da-dar
ur-bi-a muc tu nu-zu-e gud im-ma-ni-ib-us
pa-bi-a mucen anzud-mucen-de amar im-ma-ni-ib-jar
cab-bi-a ki-sikil lil-la-ke e im-ma-ni-ib-du
ki-sikil zu-li-li cag hul-hul
kug dijir-inanna-ke er e-ne ba-ce-ce
****
Once upon a time,
there was a princess who was technically a queen regent but because of her determined spinsterhood never married and her younger brother had no interest in kingship as he was busy in foreign lands discovering and acquiring new trade relationships and many various ethically sourced resources/luxuries. in any case, the princess sat in her chair of kingship day in and day out listening to the many squabbles, quarrels and bickerings of the population; she had a distinct distaste for bureaucracy and insisted on seeing the citizens personally. luckily for her the capital city's population barely amounted to a city but just as her title of princess was a technicality, as all kingdoms have capital cities, her capital hamlet was officially-city.
at best, most of the time complaints were interpersonal—the stereotypical halved baby here, the standard boilerplate there. honestly the princess considered it a form of live-social media. each new complainant given a hashtag each defendant given a keyword, and so so many memes. live action memes! can you imagine? well in any case she was paradoxically very introverted so it did so very much drain her and often she felt she had nothing left to say to herself about her own qualms, concerns and very much so trialsome tribulations. or were they notable at all? so little time she spent with herself one day she realized she had forgotten her own name,which as a member of any royal family can be troublesome as many duties require signatures! So she decided next time her brother came to port that he would be -staying- at port and she'd be having an unprecedented vacation. well not so
much of a vacation as much as a spiritual hermetic sabbatical. a retreat into her own interior. and so she did! well she set out to do so but as we know all great stories are fraught with obstacles and if reconnecting with herself is the ultimate objective, than every possible way it could can and was already corrupted obfuscated and made more or less defunct absolutely can will did and always will happen...UNTIL WHAT?! she cried out into the abyss UNTIL WHEN she vomited into the void! and once just once she swears she heard a voice whisper out from yonder mist "idfk bro gtfo..." le sigh.
until further notice, THE END.
-interim-
NOW WHAT LOL!!!sun conjunct mars 2 degrees fading. damn and what pray tell shall godforsaken libra season bring into this unholy cocktail of relentless time passing? time passaging. guh…ugh…uhg…hug…lol. ewwww…. interuption every morning this medication i have a question the constitution and while their at it one solution... ill continue on a new sheet of paper
chapter ii:
so whats on my yaddayada menu for today boys? who knows lol. ONCE AGAIN UPON A TIME, back in the capital city of a place where our protagonist princess of this perilous parable whos actually a queen regent but if u really care that much you can refer to the prior iteration of this tale it has all been properly documented to the standard of the royal queen regent aka the parables protagonist princess who i might add indeed has a pea that makes her thrash and gnash and slash through all attempts at rational decorum only this pea is/was/has never been a piece of decor nor decorative beyond body horror lovers.... FOR this pea was literally ...like...she was PROBABLY born with it or it was the cause of NO ONE HAS SAID malpractice whatever point being its there and it causes the princess a multitude of neverendingly nuanced notes and the documentation trail literally spans her whole life like legends say she’ll turn 29 for the 5th time next year but in reality when she says 32 does she mean 32 or 3200 or 3200000 IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW OLD OR HOW FAR BACK YOU HAVE TO GO BEST YOU BELIEVE BITCH THAT SHIT HAS BEEN THOROUGHLY DOCUMENTED at least it was documented and the princess assumed was referred to but indeed no it was a... palimpsest of pea-propagated prognoses and (im?)properly filed paperwork proving time and time again the sheer existence of this fucking pea on her literal brain. so when...well...where we started this parable and are now pausing...and partitioning for i have prior documented appointments to discuss further the implications and provenance and prowess and... long story short ya gurl yeah i admit its me the princess narrarting look I hate paperwork, but I file it always so when I learned that I had unlearned my name and needed it to procure signatures for my personal daily NON bureaucratic hell, look i forgot my name i have a pea on my brain give me a break its very very very well documented....(allegedly) THE END NEXT TIME ON this bitch goes off: “The night was sultry...!!” ps the documentation... its overwhelming!!!
ps the documentation...its overwhelming!
pea.p.s: im not crazy INSTITUTION yr drivin me crazy n all i wanted was a baja blast just 24-36 measly cans of and your just couldnt give it you...you just had to keep ...man idek buts i promise you its documented somewhere lol.
ppppeanotha day another taste my friend, the guzzle n grind is less relentless than I had initially accounted for and yet here we are! oh what a lady what a night oh...ar the night oh yes and that in right? the night...
chapter 2 and a half bananas:
the night.. night was saltyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyabbadabbadabbodingdong slag-na! well bingbangbwalla wallabingbang the which doctor might be the only damned verified medical professional in this plightful excursion so ihad betta listen to his wisdom eOOEOOAHAHHOEEEOEWEEEOOOOAHHMYLIFEBLIKOOOOOEEEOOOAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! OR WHATEVER IT WAS THAT J.J. SUS OF NAZARETH HAD SAIDITH IN HIS HADITH OR WHATEVER I HAVE A PEA ON MY BRAIN. THIS IS NOT THE SAME AS HAVING A PEABRAIN. LET THE RECORD STATE OFFICIAL!! I HAVE A PEA ON MY BRAIN ** MY BRAIN IS OF OTHERWISE NORMAL SIZE AND AND STATURE. IT IS JUST BEING DEGRADED OVERTIME BY A LITERAL TINY PEA SCRAPING AND MAPPING THE CrevasSes AND CRANNIES ND CREVICES OF MY BRAIN LIKE NO ROMANCE NOVEL HAD ever DESCRIBED A STUDLY MAN MAPPING A WOMANS CREVASSES AND CRANNIES ND CREVICES. ITS TOO DEEP TOO INTIMATE AND CRACKS AND AFOREMENTIONED CREASES?/CREVASSES?/CREVICES ETC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD FUCKING dammit if you would just refer to the extensive documentomentph on fuck t to be continued on the other side of this page...ALLEGEDLY!!!!!!!!
interim: as heard on royal radio's podbrain peacast (right wing woke liberal qanon alphadraconic reptoilluminati thotti bugatti banana fana fo froggy smog agenda, aka: the deepstate! THank obrama! ;D) --
okay okay okay so yr telling me not only did a shrimp fry this rice but... AND remembering the alleged allegations i forgot to frog! ribbet lol. idk i was leaning into a meta joke about mantis shrimp frying rice sustainable supporting local crustacean chefs crustachefs lololol. i mean it would make so much sense for a shrimp to have rice fried for that shrimp in question was a mantis shrimp FORREAL NO CAP just chefs hat and doilies lololol whut... okay then shrimpy do yo thang!!!!!!! and while yr at it oh wait i love to lol wait the ocean s'posed to be NOT as hot i rememba...WELL DAMN SHRIMPY ya rice too fried ya light to blinding and unsustainable at current levels for the global environment! lmafrooooottttt ok gotta be dGUuud tho maybe just more and more sh*t lets just employ them OUT of the ocean!! yes!! just let them express their culinary crustaceous crispy selves above ground. i'm sure u as a human surely could order shrimp fried shrim-fry rice that i have to say the mantis shrimp is a straight up intercity issue! but not really ya so hot litrally fryin da ozone from da inside!! mean ho !!! lets get them jobs! they are in international waters no nation can claim therefore not ethnicity cannot claim then therefore liberty and justice for all; for ALL may exploit da shrimp! but is it REALLY exploitation? fry me a river chef!
okay between u and i that shrimpy soliloquy went on longer than expected and intended and i am thinking about how i make this much sense but now even l waitzzs kskskzzzz.z..//z/z//z////......
CHaPT3r three!!!
blah
okaty
god i cant stand the formatting ive done here...
--Once upon a what is it this time(?!)_____
we last left our protagonist pea-perturbed princess parable where.....
i dont remember! lets just jump right in. we find our princess in the waiting room of the local which-doctor. yes you read correctly not witch doctor which is an outdated term and frankly insensitive to regional medicinal traditions of indigenous cultures in the region anyway but indeed the which-doctor...or at least thats what they..yes they, are collectively referred to as because none of them can ever get organized enough to know who's treated what for how when...even though they work as a team; this leads to them ever-interrogating patients with the tell-tale "which doctor you that???" it was the incredulity of their inquiry, ludicrosity of their lineup, that sent our princess on the trajectory which took her to take on the would-be impractical methodry regarding her princess/technically queen-regent duties of seeing each constituent complainant personally (not impractically really because as her kingdoms capital city was never rly like 89 citizens or something, hell it was hard to get a complete census because people were often not home and in the palace messing everything up for everybody by forgetting very basic kindergarten ethics and morality.
(i.e. "NO HITTING NO SHOVING DO SHARE DO CLEAN ETC")
anyway the princess was onlya teeny baby when the pea was first discovered by doctors. or a doctor. which doctor? couldn't say. neither could the one furrowing his left brow at the mri and his right brow at the princess' mother who was technically a princess because she and the king never married (but only because the paperwork involved was outlandish and expensive so it was generally accepted that she was queen regardless.) "They said it was a pea...?!" said dr. which "Yes, i dont know which doctor it was but he was adamant!!!!" wailed the queen princess! "pee pee!" gargled baby princess queen "Which way did the doctor gowhen they left?" demanded dr. which! "...why does that matter..?!" scoffed the (princess)Queen "pee poo?" whispered the baby (Queen)princess "Important doctor buisness...which none of yours!" snarked dr. which! "Well is it a p or not???!" demanded Queen Mother Princess! "...Pea..poopee...POOpea!" whinnied baby peapoo head i mean PRincess poo "Hard to say, could be nothing could be something-which would be very bad..." conceded dr. which "Well are you going to do more tests?!" shrieked the not-baby princess queen! "PPOOOEOPEOPEOPEOPEOPedjwadhiusefhulHdflsiufhuilsafjd" wailed princess baby pea poobah "Depending on which method my colleagues and I can agree on, hypothetically it is surely a potential." derided dr. which "Doctor you may have a fancy degree but it doesnt seem to have done much in ter in terms of your ability to practice medicine let alone apply it!!" spat yadda yadda mama "Well surely that depends on which type of medicine you expect me to practice." countered dr. which "peepapoop pea popea wow these people are preettttyyyyyyyyyy poopeepea!" exclaimed the apaprent now talking pea-on-the-brain-baby-princess-or whagywebfasfjisado; "WELL WHICH DO YOU PRACTICE???!" roared you can figure it out "this is highly advanced you would understand, it wouldnt hit home for you...which reminds me, thats the end of my shift. tata." said dr. which's shadow as he slipped into the ether. which ether? your mom.
THE END...BUT NO REALLY FOR Now....
interim: as heard on royal radio's podbrain peacast (The Left Foot Drowsed Conservatively Withheld Beta Minor Cenocephanarcho-Tradwife Sedanlife Pomegranate-Po-Planet Helium-Disorder aka: the shallowcommons!! bLAME oprah ;3) --
not enough to make it any less potent i wish to thank all those who have had the classiest pearls and have had so many thoughts about this week also i need a breaking news neutral tea mantis mantis shrimp would be global citizens!! leveraaaaggghhnanhahhahhahahahaa uncontrolled unchecked oil markets mantis shrimp is not witty or not particularly incisive i wonder what could motivate a mantis shrimp to not call my soup an insultant shrimpref gordon gordon shrampsey shrimp inferior shrimp framp!!! no really ya cooked bro like literally the shrimp FRY YOU for the svet russia edition!! LIKE SUBCRIBEEE ENJIC could really just never stop its tangent, i must remember what a content goldmine grindset mantis shrimp fry ricing is very very lucrative content!! very rich much like the mantis shrimp after that many deals! how can we live up to fry shrim pricing?! bu he she or it shall never say "NO SOUP FOR YOU!" because it is no frying soup it fry rice and shrimp and does not condone fascist rhetoric even on a mundane soup'du jour level!!
chpt. iv
Once again upon another damn time, so the princess, she has a pea on her brain. It's documented, she will not explain, but the thing is no 1 could ever actually pinpoint the purpose nor purview of the perilous, perfideous, pestilence propagating pea anyways it didn't matter because by the time she was placed into the palace position....look. Nobody cared because she got the job done. What job? Which job? Not the which doctor's job. That's for sure. That's for damn sure. Look. Her younger brother was heir. Right? Because that's what that's what a kingdom has. Right? What is the kingdom without a king? Well, in this case, it wouldn't be such a problem because the population was very small. Smaller than a city, technically a hamlet. But because yada yada yada, well, this was the exact shit that vexed the princess. So she may have had a pea on her brain, but she could see that nothing in this place worked how it should, and nothing made sense. In fact, the real kicker is that it was actually the very disorganization of the royal bureaucracy that the princess was able to just slide in there unperturbed. However, this did not mean that the adjacent offices and administration ceased their functions; now, quite contrary. They went on continuing to fuck shit up for the constituents to such a degree that it could it could be the only possible reason the princess was day in, day out seeing complainants personally face to face. And recall her intent on Gnostic sabbatical? Yeah. She was a hermetic initiate as well as actually widely highly regarded and so much so that she made king Solomon look like Ding Bat-o-man. LOL. Whatever. However, it was so. Day in, all day, 14 hours a day, all 47 citizens of her kingdom came through the doors. Some leaving with papers they didn't realize were improperly notarized, and they'd need to return next week. Some entering with, for the love of God, they pray the last final missing piece of documentation for the damn frog to eat. What frog? Well, you see it wasn't a frog per se. It was is indeed a polywog. Pip pip pip pip pip pip-pooray, the polywog. Indeed, fundamentally different than a frog, which is similar but if you put em side by side buddy you can tell! but pip didn't really look like a polywog either or a frog. It looked like a ceramic doily clad frutiger aero bubble see through shelled circa 1999-2000, (not 1998, under no circumstance 2001!!! we remember children are the future but er NEVER ever EVER forroget,....that KIDZBOP DID 9/11!!!!!!!!111!dsght) Mac desktop, whatever cool y2k electro-gadgety thing. But it was big, like a prize winning cookie jar, and it was endlessly paraded through the palace on a squeaky brass pulley. And I swear, do we need the trumpeting cherubim EVERY fucking time? Find out next time on P3A-PR0PH3C135 (pea-prophecies, the poliwogs patented princess parable paper processing PC (Not for profit, but for propht. Duh. For profit.) Yeah. Okay. Next time.
which is now, apparently! yep you guessed it once upon a time sometime ago i was telling you you yes you the reader, about Pip, the Polliwog...pollywag? not the pokemon, the thing… whatever…! the fuckin thing the pokemon is supposed to be like but not even That thing!!! cuz we are talking about pip the polliwog personal processor pc advanced transcendant artificial super-intelligence that the Princess' conveniently absent and very much not just business minded but -product- minded brother invented and released in the princess' inaugural honor as personal thanks for doing what he didsnt want and also because he was always doing those sorts of things, concepts ideas patents whatever sort of like branded can-cozies but this is a fairytale and her brother was no scrub! thus making him such a great whatever he does instead of being king in which case the princess would remember her name and be more or less fine making it so that this story and its necessity would have already been defunct yadda yadda the party of the first part shall be named party of the second pip, who by the way, is NOT a duck ..! absolutely not so dont even start with the why not a duck commenters! i say to thee dear reader, WHY a duck?! their predatory prehensile penis profoundly perverts the pure and pleasurable praxis of (re)production thats why! AND DONT CALL ME SHIRLEY. now where was i? oh yeah pip the polliwog. right right so pip was invented by the princess' brother as a promotional product theres only like 8 of them and 7 of them may or may not have self-defenestrated. nonetheless pip was the premier in computing. it could store 222pterabytes of data (0.222kb of which hopefully contained the princess’same but we'll get to that). pip was/is fully sentient just not fully independant. it doesnt qualify as..or rather it only qualifies as a robot on the technicality that yes it interacts with its environment but it doesnt move except for one ridiculous pollywog paw that bobs up and down like an asian business luck cat statue thing and it talks...kinda. well anyway despite all the hype and processing power/capability, because pip was technically a (one of 8) ((r.i.p. pips...)) prototype(s), uhmm well it could only accept pdf document types but it had to perform ocr separately to extract text then convert that into plain text then recompile images into a final ready to parse file which by the way it could only parse 10 files at a time. however it can read and play .ogg audio files. because its "Polliw.ogg lol" said the princess' brother. ha ha.
UNTIL NEXT TIME THIS HAS BEEN WHAT SHE HAS SAID THEREFORE thats all for now folks.