PISTOL-GOBY DEFENSE CORP.

"We Make The Noise, They Do The Murder."

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Mantis Shrimp are berserker warriors punching with 1,500 Newtons of force. They hate their neighbors. They are a liability. Choose Pistol Shrimp! (Disclaimer: We just use cavitation bubbles like a flashbang. We are the Wizard of Oz of crustaceans. All actual physical violence is subcontracted to our Gobyrman Pinschers.)

CHOOSE YOUR GOBY MERCENARY:

THE DIVA (Clown Goby)

Status: Entitled.

Tactic: Toxic mucus defense. Will sit on your most expensive SPS corals just to assert dominance. Highly recommended for psychological warfare.

THE SCARIEST (Purple Eel Goby)

Status: Chestburster Aesthetic.

Tactic: Lurks in the estuary mud. Jagged glass teeth. We don't even like looking at them. Deploy only in extreme emergencies (e.g., Dandelion infestations).

THE PATHETIC (Pygmy Goby)

Status: Here for a good time, not a long time.

Tactic: Frantic 59-day lifespan. Cheap. Disposable. Perfect as cannon fodder against Wacky Jay's animatronics.

THE GIGA-CHAD (Mudskipper)

Status: Evolutionary Traitor.

Tactic: Decided the ocean sucked and moved to land. Uses fins as legs. Will literally walk up to your enemies on the beach and stare them down.


Endorsed by Cletus Crustyaecian & Burley Joe Burley.

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